With a new year comes a new page layout, and lots of news from Killamarsh!  With the help of my Dizzy Miss Lizzie, we’ve assembled yet another edition of Masquerade for you!

-THIS MONTH IN KILLAMARSH-

This Christmas, we saw the ever-generous Zephan Bradshaw open his doors for holiday celebrations, not to mention the Sort of Secret Santa going through without a hitch (… mostly).

The council was kind enough to schedule a New Years lunch for the leaders, providing a chance for new alliances between the coalitions!  I hear from Lizzie that it all went rather well, despite some of the existing tensions between the groups, with most able to look past individual differences to the good of the whole groups and act as intelligent, dependable ambassadors to their species.  We hope to see the benefits of this newly found peace soon.

The council is also pushing for rogues (like myself…) to join their respective coalitions, as they feel we outnumber actual members in some cases.  On their behalf, I suppose I must encourage this – it’s true that there is safety in the groups, more protection from ZI, more say in your town’s operations.  Personally, I’m not too fond of my group – but do sniff yours out, you never know if it’s the thing for you.

We also say a sad goodbye to Rufius Ranshork III and Damien Lovett, both killed at a tragically young age.

-MOREAU ISLAND-

More news on Moreau Island!  My research has led me to believe that the laboratory in question is in fact operated by the ruthless Mister Stark, an evil scientist inclined to experiment on zoanthropes – but what were his motivations?  Clearly something in their transformative nature intrigues him, but all we have is personal word to go by from escapees from the laboratory.  Those I’ve talked to spoke of zoans driven rabid by a mutant virus, Mengele-esque experiments to test the extremes zoans can survive and operations to find the triggers to transformation.  Some even reported coming home with alpha forms or unable to change, not to mention suffering painful and gruesome transformations or permanent animal features.  More tragic still, some didn’t return at all…

Meanwhile, Moreau’s hotel, The Slaughtered Lamb, was burnt to the ground by person or persons unknown.  We can only frown upon whoever initiated this tragic act, and thank those brave souls who helped put out the fire.  True heroes among us, I say.

Speaking of heroes, back in the lab a group of courageous zoans split up to rescue their fellows!  Divided into groups, they both raided the upper levels of the laboratory for cures to the rabies virus and forced shifting in some cases, and helped free their fellows.  Digging deeper into the files, I found reports of mysterious old journals and memorabilia concerning the origins of zoanthropy.  Though I’m sure we’d all like to know what these could reveal about our plight, we unfortunately have none of the information as the mayor and his deputy whisked them from under the noses of those who discovered them.  What these two are doing here remains a mystery… more next month.

-NEW IN THE GROUPS-

First up, the Rout held a rockin’ night of karaoke and booze to see in the New Year, true coyote style.

The swans are holding a little soiree in their new swan lake, all looking rather pleasant… if tense, and the Legio XIII finds new leadership under maned wolf James Warren.

The Tigris have a meeting to introduce their new leader, Samuel Williamson, in their territory, while rivalries continue to mount between  wolves and reptiles.  This ain’t lookin’ pretty, folks.

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY-

Finally, a big happy many-happy-returns this month for:

David Knight (1 Jan, 1963)

Aria Davenport (1 Jan, 1980)

Colin Hancock (2 Jan, 1960)

Cameron Stewart (2 Jan, 1987)

Barbara Whitestone (3 Jan, 1974)

Jakolyn Roine (7 Jan, 1988)

Mark Ovid (8 Jan, 1972)

Nathan Sheppard (10 Jan, 1980)

Zephan Bradshaw (10 Jan, 1988)

Ryan Jacobs (12 Jan, 1979)

Isolde von Petrus (12 Jan, 1983)

Fatimah bint Bandar bin Talal Al Rashid (13 Jan, 1979)

Kisa Wilkinson (14 Jan, 1981)

Rush Scholey (15 Jan, 1987)

Tegan Frost (24 Jan, 1981)

Dean Lawrence (24 Jan, 1983)

Alexis Borden (28 Jan, 1992)

Benjamin Masters (31 Jan, 1975)

Johnny Mendez (31 Jan, 1986)

… and everyone else I missed because the ZI are crudtastic at updating their info.

Now, go bundle your butts down to my assistant Lizzie for the January interview with character of the month Felicity Irvine!

Make those resolutions worth it, chumps and chumpettes;

This is Izzy Klein, signing off.

Tell us a little about yourself.
You want the hardback copy or the abridged version? Well, there’s not really much to tell. Lets see. I’m a cat, that much is certain. Been one my entire life. You could say that I like to live life on the edge. I’ve only used two and a half of my nine lives so Still got uh.. seven and a half more. I guess fire is probably the best thing that can be used to describe me. Hot, intense, destructive and out of control. Not to mention a tad sensual. Only this fire’s not going to burn out any time soon. Here’s hoping at least.

What do you do in your spare time?
Alexander Schneider.. Wait, sorry. What I do. Sorry, I just .. misheard. I suppose I like to sleep a lot. And no, Lizzie. Not sleeping around like that. I can see that look on your face! Being a cat has its perks: People see you looking cute, let you into their house, and let you live with them. Or of course some just kick you in the ribs, but lets just pretend they don’t exist. Then when you get sick of them, or their food runs you can just.. find somewhere else. Kind of like boyfriends really. Only I do the kicking of their ribs.

What was your favourite part about Moreau Island?
Oooh tough one. Mainly because most of that dumb island was boring as bat poo. I guess spiking the punch with my pink friend, and that hot babe with a huge rack was fun. Probably made if more fun for everyone else there too. Or maybe if was getting covered in the Mr. Stein’s piss. And your face! Just looking at it when we started ripping that hotel room apart was classic! You looked like a lobster in a dress! But hey! I met you, didn’t I? Gotta say, I did find out that dogs can be just as fun as cats.

What would you consider your greatest strength to be?
Lets not get my head any bigger now. It’s hard enough wearing hats with my bushy hair. Would sleeping be considered a strength? I don’t snore. At least I don’t think I do. Actually, thinking about it, getting on people’s good sides comes pretty naturally for me, even if it does mean forcing people into things. I might come off a bit strong, and playful at times, but at least I’m not boring!

Who would you say your biggest role model would be and why?
Evel Knievel. Hands down. He’s just got to be a cat. He has to! Why else would he be such a daredevil, bashing the bajoolies out of his body on a little putt putt bike. But assuming he’s not, gotta give the man respect. Living life on the edge, with only one to play with it. A bloody legend.

If you could have anything in the world, what would you want and why?
A motorbike! Actually, nahhhh. I can probably get around faster as a pussy cat. How ’bout… A pet elephant! That blows ice cream out its nose, poops out chocolate, and can fire laser beams out of its eyes? Did I mention that this elephant can fly? Nah, I’m kidding.. But that would be awesome, wouldn’t it! Realistically, one day, I wouldn’t mind just.. having a home of my own. But really, I don’t see that ever coming true.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
You should know, being a cat, that we pretty much can go anywhere. Just stow away in some luggage, or meow cutely to someone, then we can end up a hitch-hiker on the way to the moon if we really wanted to. But why stop at the moon? That’s boring. Too many cows, laughing dogs, dishes and spoons. I gave up the fiddle long ago. What about.. The sun? Yeah, that place is really fiery and hot. ‘Course you’ll need a special sun proof suit, but to just walk on the sun would be the best feeling – EVER!

How long have you been living in Killamarsh?
Christ, what has it been now? Almost twelve years, I think. However I could be wrong… Oh no, I was right. It’s twelve. Almost twelve. I know it’s a horribly long time to be confined to one place. I’m content though. I don’t really have anywhere else to go, after all. It would be silly to just up and leave. I’ve sort of found my niche, you could say, and I plan to stay in it.

Who or what sparked your interest in books?
Who? I don’t… know? Myself probably. I spent the majority of my childhood trying to find ways to keep myself occupied. Mum didn’t approve of jumping on the furniture or attempting to make my own homemade recipes. Mess. She didn’t care for mess. Books aren’t messy, I wasn’t messy after reading them, mother was content. I was, and still am, attracted to the escapism that comes along with cracking open a good book. My childhood wasn’t particularly terrible, but it was definitely dull. So, it was rather simple for me to willingly slip into the exciting fantasy worlds or the just as dull lives of other little children.

Besides binding books, what other job could you see yourself doing or have you done?
Actually I was a teacher back in the day. Mainly eleventh year World History. Though I did drop down to the lower years. Terrifying little creatures, I tell you, the teenagers and younger children. I suppose you have to find the half way mark. I’ve never really considered doing anything else. Maybe some actual writing? Trust me, I’ve tried. I just lack the attention span needed to keep up on a continuous project.

If there was one interesting fact you wanted to share with everyone else, what would it be?
Uhh… I – I don’t know. What exactly qualifies as an interesting fact? You really should have called before hand and given me time to think about it. Then I’d have something really spectacular for you. I used to play the cello? Yeah, I suppose that’s interesting. I actually used to be able to read music. Super, huh?

If you could trade places with any other person for a week, famous or not, living or dead, real or fictional, with whom would it be?
Oh, this one’s too easy. Joseph Stalin, of course! …What? Yeah, yeah, not necessarily appropriate, seeing as he led to the death of approximately twenty million people… BUT! Think about if for a minute. In that week I can be a man, a slaughterer, and a powerful dictator all in one day. I would get to experiment with everything I’ve ever wanted to, and some other things that I’ve probably never even thought of, without any of the repercussions. It’s excellent, really.

What three words would you use to describe yourself and why?
Oh gosh, another hard one. Yeesh. Um, I would have to say lovable, bookish, and dull. I love hugs and such, and enjoy a bit of cuddling here and there. Bookish… because, well, you know. The bookbinding and – yeah. Dull? Yes, of course. I’m terribly boring. I’m not really sure why you were so keen to interview me.

Finally, if you could go anywhere in the country right now, where would you go and why?
Home. No, really. I’ve been running around all day. It would be lovely to collapse onto my couch and take a quick nap. Maybe even a really long nap.

—

Stay tuned to our next edition of Masquerade and the next interviewee!

This, my friends, is the December news for the Zoanthrope Monthly!  Continuing the age-old tradition of the old paper-news Zoanthrope Monthly, this edition is brought to you by the modern age, the world wide web, and the letter Z! I thought a nice little Christmas theme would be just a thing for this December – and it’s so cheery!  Don’t you agree?

This time around, I’ve decided to give it an all new name: Masquerade!  Why?  Well, it’s quite simple: as zoans, we live the masquerade – pretending to be human, wearing a mask over our true natures.  Got it?  No?  Never mind…  let’s move along.

-THIS MONTH IN KILLAMARSH-

First off, it’s Christmas!  Is anyone else as excited as I am?  I personally don’t celebrate it for what it is, but, really, The Nightmare Before Hanukkah doesn’t sound anywhere near as catchy.  You can bet your animal that I’m right into these kitschy celebrations, so let’s look around Killamarsh to see who else is getting in the spirit!

Well, I know the local Zoanthrope Investigations team are, for one.  As well as their annual Holiday Party, they’ve organised a bit of a fundraiser – the SORT OF SECRET SANTA!  If you donate money to their fundraiser, which goes towards buying gifts for the terminally ill children in the Golden Galileo, you’ll get entered in a Secret Santa event, where you exchange gifts with a mystery stranger!

“Please send in your SOSS photos to the police station. The best matched pair will win a three week holiday in one of our police cells to the North Pole next August!”

Why does this letter smell of dog?

That aside… I have another letter here, matching me up with some leopard chap… along with all his private information, current whereabouts and bank details, and I haven’t even had a chance to donate yet!  Oh no, and I have friends in the same situation – it appears the ZI have gotten their records mixed up, and have sent SOSS invites to everyone in Killamarsh.  Oh well, let’s not let them down – off your ass and to the shops to beat the Christmas crowds, folks!

We also see the debut of ZI’s very own wiki, WiZI!  Volunteer owned and operated, it’s completely up to you to help it fulfill its potential.  Now go edit your little hearts out!

-MOREAU ISLAND-

Now some of you will know that due to unfortunate circumstances regarding my health, I was not personally involved in this great kerfuffle on the nearby Moreau Island.  Despite this, I’m doing my best to look into the mysterious events that took place there after the ferry, Noah’s Ark, went down on the journey there on the 3^rd of last September.

It seems that with the exception of a few unlucky travellers (including our very own Daemon White and Simon Bridgewater – rest in peace, brothers) everyone reached shore safely.  They headed into the hotel where a costume ball was held that night, as well as a PETZ meeting – but everything was not as it seems.  Those who attended the meeting were brainwashed by officials and awoke shortly after with no knowledge of what happened!

The next day, the 4^th, most of the visitors went off to Freek Land, the promised carnival.  The bright flashing lights, colours and sounds there sparked off the brainwashed zoans and they went about capturing their peers and dragging them back to holding cells within a mysterious laboratory.

Meanwhile, in the House of Mirrors, a strange gas was reported to be forcing zoans into their alpha forms before they too were captured!  The dear Jackson Adamson has left us after a rabid were-coyote attack on behalf of the Rout, but one can’t blame them for their instincts.

Who could be behind this abhorrent act?  I’m going to keep doing research, but the rest of you will have to wait and see…

-NEW IN THE GROUPS-

This section will cover what’s new in the groups of Killamarsh!  Now, while you folks probably doubt a rogue like myself could do any good in this department, I’m here to show you that that’s simply not true.

First up, both the Flock and the Felis have new meeting places!

Under relatively new Queen Barbara Whitestone, the Flock now call the beautiful lagoon next to her shop, Whitestone Flowers, their home.  Future meetings will be held here, in ‘Swan lake’, rather than their last home, the Flock Cottage.

And new leader, Amunet Elizabeth Norton (a very beautiful princess known personally to me), has chosen the bizarrely-named bookshop, the Litterate Box, as their new meeting place.  In fact, there’s a meeting being held there very soon to give out ranks to current Felis members!  All you kitty people, you want to be in on this one!

On top of that, the Pard are all invited to some post-Moreau leaf-wrangling with Belladonna!  Looks like fun!

Meanwhile, poor Marshall Jackson has gotten himself lost.  Come on, cougars, look after your own!

The Ouroboros are holding a pool party down in Hades, so all you scaly chaps better get down there, too!

Finally, the rats rodents have a pow-wow down at their meeting place, the Polis, and are calling all of theirs.  I’m not going, but hey, I find their leader a royal pain in the ass, so…

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY!-

The Zoanthrope Monthly would like to wish a very happy birthday to the following members of the zoan community, on behalf of the Zoanthrope Investigation’s private records, (cough cough):

Maliko Sarose (3 Dec, 1989)

Heinrich Müller (4 Dec, 1960)

Amelie Skip (4 Dec, 1992)

Malachi O’Shea (6 Dec, 1963)

Sabrina Wyn (6 Dec, 1974)

Thor Aarsheim (7 Dec, 1984)

Tuvia Michalski (9 Dec, 1968)

Anthony Deisant (9 Dec, 1983)

Warlock (11 Dec, 1977)

Barnadine (17 Dec, 1966)

Lars Liebestod (19 Dec, 1963)

Scarlett O’Malley (25 Dec, 1987)

Dillon O’Keeley (28 Dec, 1992)

Kahcis (30 Dec, 1982)

Alyssa Jordan (31 Dec, 1981)

… and to everyone else I may have missed, too.  My haxoring isn’t that good, y’know.

Now you can catch my lovely little elf, Lizzie Norton with an interview of last month’s Character of the Month, Ingrid Hartwin, right here for more festive cheer!

And all that remains is for me to wish a happy Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!

This is your loveable Cyclops, Isidor Klein, signing off.